living with the waltons?

when i go to sleep at night it is really important that i say night night to all the important things in my life, so here is my bedtime routine

first, i take off all my own clothes

second, milk machine runs some warm coffee into the bath for me and adds bubbles

third, i wash myself, my mummy, my dollies and anything else i can fit into the bath, somethimes my clothes, sometimes mummys clothes, my teddies, the toilet paper, and ohhhh i can open the shampoo bottles and make more bubbles yeaaah and have a swish(swim) in the bath

then, i get out of the bath, brush my teeth ALL by MYSELF!

then, into bed for a book, a snuggle and of course a boobie from mummy

then comes the important part night night time

n'night mummy
n'night daddy
n'night gannie(she is in scotland i know but she still needs to hear it)
n'night ganda(he is there too)
n'night vuvu(my other gannie)
n'night book
n'night dolly
n'night gak (Great Aunt Kate)
n'night uncle steeeeeve
n'night mooooon
n'night doggy
n'night stars
n'night trees
mmmmmmm
n'night coffee
n'night bubbles
mmmmmmm
n'night teeth
n'night mummys hair
n'night nanas hair
mmmmmm
n'night shoes
oh n'night socks
n'night daddys shoes
mmmmmm
n'night fish
n'night meow meow
mmmmmm
n'night mummy

then she switches off the lights

n'night lights

its all coffee to me

well, its been a long time since i wrote anything, because being a toddler has left me very little time for anything. i am soooo busy figuring out how to switch the lights on and off, practising my running (milk machine is definately getting faster), taking important things out of the milk machines bag, flushing things down the toilet (sometimes the important things i find in her bag), drawing, watering the gardening and of course taking naps

we went on a vacation to thailand(pictures later) and i spent most of my time naked in the garden/jungle and naked on the beach but i had to put clothes on to go to bed, which seemed strange to me.......

i am really learning to talk, i can say all sorts of things

when i pick up something i know i shouldnt have i say "no no no no no" and wag my fore finger just like mummy does

i love doggies, they are the best thing in the world, i shout at every doggy i see "doggy go lie" (doggy come here)

i made a whole sentence which seemed to make mummy really happy, auntie louies doggy was chewing (gently) on my fingers and i said "doggie bite nana"

my favorite words right now are
no
no no
no no no no!
no no no no no no no NO!
hao - (ok or good)
help me nana
no no no no no
help me daddy
help me mummy
help me nana
doggy
dollie dollie dollie dollie
no no no no
daddy (usually said loudly)
bao bao (hug me)
baddie (i say this to anything that trips me up, or hurts me)
ouch!

oh and coffee, mummy drinks coffee, so does daddy, so does nana, the sea is full of coffee, i take showers in coffee, it rains coffee, the swimming pool is full of coffee (mummy keeps trying to tell me that is it water but i know it is coffee!)

my daddy is always telling my milk machine how smart i am! i know it, why dont they.

daddy went to sort something in the car and the front door swung shut and locked, i was sleeping on the floor but the bang of the door woke me up. waaaaaaa Waaaaaaa WAAAAAAA

so daddy goes round to the big window doors at the back of the house so i can see him and he calls me over. i really dont like being home alone! waaaa waaa sniffle sniffle

"What daddy? I cant hear you! Waaaaaaaa!"what is he saying, i wish he would come inside! oh right, wait i get it, he is locked out. WAAAAAAAAA!

daddy says "unlock the door, nana"oh ok, this is easy now i know what to do, i walk up to the window doors and pull down the latch thingy and then go to the other door and do the same daddy pushes the windows open, gathers me up in his arms and tells me how smart i am.

smarter than daddy anyway! i have never locked myself out!

talking sometimes makes my milk machine blush

i have been practising my talking for weeks now and find that some words are more effective than others, so here is a list of my first words

1. daddy
2. dawwwgie
3. hot
4. boobie
5. up
6. hat
7. cat(have you noticed yet there is no need for the word mummy?)
8. car
9.bike
10. hao (my first chinese word!! are you proud of me?)
11. baba (another chinese word - means daddy)
12. nana (thats my name incase you didnt know)
13. bao bao (chinese for hug)
14. mummy (she is mostly with me so i dont need to say it often)

so we went to the doctors the other day with gak(great aunt kate) she was getting her boobies checked - i think they must be broken cos she always tells me they are empty no matter how often i ask - so we were in the waiting room with lots and lots of other ladies, the men were all round the corner.

this old lady asked if she could pick me up - bao bao - i allowed her to do so, then i started to say "Boobie"
" Boobie, boobie boooooobie, BOOOBIE!!"!" and pulling at her shirt, looking inside to see her boobies and making my milk sign too.........she didnt understand me??! so i tried again
"Boobie, boobie, booooobie" and grabbing her she then asked my milk machine
"Ta yao shemne?" (means what does she want?)
milk machine said "ta yao chi nei nei" (means literally she wants to eat boobies(nei nei) or breast feed in other words)
so the old lady laughed and starts telling everyone in the room that i want to chi nei nei, hahahaha and that her nei nei are empty and have no milk
the only person not laughing was milk machine, she looked all red in the face

talking is great!

ohoh they found me! 

i was watering grannies garden, but then i watered me mmmm not so much fun! 

here i am sleeping like, well, like a baby really 

me and mummy looking at leaves in the park 

ahh, this is how you use it, hold on here and run! i would rather be outside 

oh, i need a sleep, what do you mean this is a running machine??? 

so how do i get this out of the box? 

its a wee daaawww gie, i love your nose 

my first days in baby care

so i am a big girl now, i go to baby care two afternoons a week so milk machine can go to work, i know she would rather be home with me, but i love going to baby care, so many things to do and play with

first day: milk machine brings me to a place that has lots of toys downstairs and lots of sleeping babies upstairs. she lays me down offers me some milk but i have to say i was more interested in the rest of the babies, ok i give in i will have some milk as she says i can have more for 5 hours!

all the other babies are sleeping, and the aunty there says i am the cutest hehe she doesnt know me yet does she! milk machine is sitting on the floor talking about my diapers and how the aunties dont have to wash them for her just put them in a bag for her to take home and i get down to the serious business of sussing out the other babies, ok i have the advantage here as the others are being good and sleeping like, well, like babies really. the aunties are talking about how much i talk and milk machine is explaining some of my signs, to make their lives easier

i want to see what is under the blankets the babies have on them, so i go from one baby to the next lifting their blankies and saying ohhhh, and ahhhhh, now that is sorted out, they have legs and feet like i do, what is this bouncy bed chair thing that this little baby is in. i put me head on his tummy and say awwww and all the aunties are like "oh she is the cutest baby" in chinese of course "ohh ta hao ke ai ba" so for a while i have them fooled but then the temptation was toooo great, i found that the bouncy bit of the chair (like two big springs at the front) bounce the baby when i push on them, suddenly this little baby is bouncing all over the place, bounce, bounce, bounce, BOUNCE! hehehehehehehe this place is fun

milk machine shakes her head and says she will be back in 5 hours, she looks kind of relieved to say bye bye and tells me to be a good girl, i wave bye bye, now to get down to some serious mischief

stupid things that foreigners do in taiwan!

when milk machine got home from her new job on friday she told me this story - even i know this is stupid and i am only one year old!

i have taken a new job at the navy base here in kaohsiung, this is a top security, armed and always on orange alert naval base. to get in (at the side gate) i must present photographic id, sign in and be accompanied to my classroom by a duty officer. as you would expect one has to dress appropriately, well the last teacher was turning up dressed in shorts, flip flops, unshaven and occasionally wearing a combat jacket, so they were talking about letting him go at the end of this month, he hastened his departure by doing the following:

turned up late for class, so late in fact that the duty officer that should have been there to escort him to class had gone, so there was no one to let him into the base. which leaves him several options

option 1: call his boss that is in the base and tell him he is waiting outside
option 2: go to the main gate and explain who he is, and get escorted to the classroom
option 3: (i still cant believe this) climb over the 3 metre high gate with razor wire on the top whilst carrying half a bottle of red wine

yes you guessed it he took option 3

upon entering the camp illegally he had yet more options, dressed in shorts, flip flops, wearing a combat jacket and carrying a bottle of wine (nearly finished by now!)

option 1: present himself to the first officer he saw and explain
option 2: stick to the roads and head to the classroom
option 3: take off cross country over shooting ranges(luckily unused at the time) refuse to stop when challenged by the armed military police, be wrestled to the ground and thrown in the brig!

again this smart fellow took option 3

he was handed over to the local police because the military police were not quite sure what to do with him, and now he is residing in the county jail (not a nice place) until the canadian authorities can come and chuck him out of the country!

good riddance!

look i have a little princess chair, a princess dress and even a bunny rabbit..........who do you think i am? bloody snow white thats who. anyone got any crunchy insects?? 

thats me, oh thats me too, ohhhh thats me, ohh thats me woohooo 

i love feeding myself but i dont think liams mummy liked me feeding him, she kept wiping him up, but my mummy is more fun, she waits til i am all finished 

my birthbay lasted a week!!

one week ago grannie came to visit and cos she couldnt stay till the day of my birthbay, she brought a present for each day that she was here! woohoo present central!

we did lots of hanging out in gardens centres with grannie, which is lots of fun as there is always mud, plants and insects to eat. we went to this under water fishy thingy with sharks and everything. i liked the sea grass best (which is a fish but sticks up out of the sand like grass, weird) cos i think some of the bigger fishies and sharks thought i looked yummy

on my birthbay, lots of mummy's friends came over with toys for me and aunt sally brought cake, i played on the climbing frame and wanted to go into the paddling pool but mummy said it was too cold! i started off wearing a really pretty white dress with little daisies on it but i couldnt crawl in it and it was driving me maaaaaaad, so mummy gave in and let me play in just my t shirt

thank you granny for coming all the way from scotland, i will be there soon to make you all messy again, save me some insects and dont forget my mud

fairs fair, share and share

well tiana is well, full of beans, sweet potato, bread, potato and anything else she can get her grubby little paws on

gak, gus, james and me however have been as sick as dogs, really james and i were sick as dogs but gak was sicker than any dog i have ever seen, most dogs when that sick would have the sense to lie down and die! but we are all much better today in fact i think i could fly i feel so good

the sun is shining, the sky is blue, it is windy and fresh outside but bloody freezing in kate and steves house (nothing new there) no chance of any heating there or even a rug for the ice cube floor (put some more clothes on lass!)

still poorly

poor little thing is still not very well, she is subdued but has a few happy moments, but i think her tummy is still sore and she still has a runny bum.

for the first time in her little life she is wearing disposables as i havent been able to keep up with the washing and drying of the cloth ones. she has a bit of a nappy rash cos of those horrid disposables, i am so glad that is it just once in a blue moon she has to wear them

we have no idea what caused it, but my tummy is still upset too, it may be a stomach flu rather than something we ate, as i think we would be ok by now if it was something we ate but who knows

all for now as i am k-nackered(to use your term mum) running around trying to get her better, dealing with the poo, not sleeping great and worrying. takes it out of you

fever and sickness

my poor wee darling!

went to work on thursday night and within an hour had a call to come home, little princess was throwing up all over Gak, and was very poorly

rushed home and found Gak covered in mmm not very nice stuff and little tiana just hanging on, sweating and looking so pale. got tia changed and off to the hospital, was seen within minutes, the doctor taking a real good look at her - he even did a tummy scan - and we were sent home(thankfully) with rehydration fluids, a yummy medicine to reduce her fever, and a acidbaccilus(spelling?).

i spent the night awake and trying to keep her fever below 40, with damp towels, the fan on, and worried like i have never been in my life before. she was so helpless, listless and soooo quiet, which for a baby as noisy and active as tiana was the most worrying thing.

yesterday she slept on and off all day clinging to me, spitting out her yummy medicines and eating boobie like there was no tomorrow. it does amaze me that my body can respond to her need for boobie and keep making milk even though she doesnt drink that much normally

today she is a little subdued, but nearly back to her normal noisy self and it is so nice nice to hear her laugh and shout

in laws arrgghh

my MIL (mother in law) arrived today unannounced as always with great grandad, aunty and some other worthy from the village in tow, let themselves into the house(door wasnt actually locked but well) and then polished off about 2 and a half pounds of my chocolate!

not just any chocolate mind, the choccy that lawrence had brought back for me from the states, choccy that you can not buy in taiwan, choccy that does not have that added anti-melt shite in it, choccy that i was savoring, choccy that I really wanted to eat, not that i am bitter and twisted about it

phuckers!

GAK is back

after three long weeks, gak (great aunt kate) and gus (great uncle steve) have returned from their holiday! phew! maybe now i will be able to do dishes, cook food and even breathe sometimes while the baby is being entertained by them!

they only got back last night and already, james and i have eaten dinner by ourselves, i am normally on the tiana diet, were she eats all the good bits of my dinner therefore reducing my calorie intake significantly.

as we were finishing our dinner i said, "oh, sometimes it is nice to eat without tia." and james, bless him, said "i was just thinking i miss her being here, and was wondering if we should take a doggy bag for her" he is so in love with that little girl

tiana has learned to "drive" a remote control car, it is a little yellow vw beetle, and she happily makes it go back and forwards with the remote control, hours of endless fun

i can walk but sitting down is cool too 

strawberry fields february

went for a nice long drive today in the glorious winter sun, was cool around 25C, as we were driving up to the mountains we saw people picking strawberries! how cool we thought and decided to join them

an hour and a few kilos of strawbs later, tia was covered in hay, straw and of course strawberry juice and pulp, we smiled at each other, paid for the strawbs, bought some cream on the way home and had a delicious dessert.

another of the reasons that i love living in taiwan, strawberries and tomatoes are winter crops! cant wait for the summer season of mangoes, pineapples and lychees.

my back hurts!

now she can walk my dd (darling daughter) will not get in her stroller! i walked up and down to kate and steves house today, now I know it is not far, but if you are bent nearly double holding the hand of a toddler(omg she is isnt she!) and pushing a stroller that you mistakenly thought she would be in your back hurts!

everyone exclaims on the the way past "Oh she can walk, when did she turn 1 year old?" and of course i have to reply that she is ten months old and stubburn(the determination comes from our side of the family, the stubborness from his of course). Is it too early to start lying about her age??

oh my god she can walk

ohoh now all my troubles are doubled! tiana can walk! nothing is safe anymore! arrghhhh

i can walk!

after all these weeks of practise i can do it!

milk machine and daddy took me to eat dinner at daddys friends house and after being told i couldnt crawl on the floor (dirty and zhang zhang de) daddys friend helped me to my feet at the far end of the lounge from the milk machine and let me go. after a wobble or two i found that i could just walk over to milk machine, so i did, laughing and shouting at everyone to watch me

i can walk!!

i can walk!!

how do some mums do it??

tiana got up super early this morning (for her) and was grouchy as hell bue would NOT go back to sleep.

a nap in the car followed by meeting a friend and his two kids for a play in the park seemed to make her happy. we got home had some lunch and she had another nap at 4 pm, at this point i went to the bathroom for what feels like the first time today and ohhh myyyy god! what a state i am in!

my hair looks like i have been dragged through a hedge backwards, forwards then sidey ways! i have stains on my shirt of god only knows what, but they look kinda greasy and muddy at the same time. i have a big dirt smudge across my face(musta been that damn hedge) and even leaves in my hair!

now, when we were at the park all the mums looked like they "had just stepped out of a salon" nice hair, clean clothes on them and babies, even some make up and i just assumed stupidly that i looked like that too( except the make up bit of course), not the "i had just stepped out of a storm" look which is the best description of how i look now!!

i bet their houses are clean and tidy too!!

how many baths do i need in one day?

9.15 am Milk machine has fed me my wake up boobie, has changed my wet bottom and is off to put all my wet nappies/diapers in the wash(i wish she would make up her mind what to call them). Milk machine bought two kinds of nappies you know one with popper thingies and some with velcro. I love velcro, i can open and close it, open, close, close, open, close, open! great noise!

9.20 am mmmmmnnnmmmnn phew thats better, i needed that poo! open, close, open oh it has two sides open, close, open, close, open, ok so now if i crawl away? wohooooo no more nappy.

9.25 Milk machine is back! you should see the look on her face apparently poo poo on my bottom, the floor, the rug, my face, my arms and hands is a big no-no?

9.30am bath time! eww soap doesnt taste good! seems familiar though!

10 am milk machine is hanging out my diapers in the sun. I love being on the balcony naked, it is great. ohhh i need a pee pee i shouldnt have drunk all that bath water. splash splash, mmm now if i put my hands in the yummy soil, and back in the pee pee and back in the soil ohhhhhhh i made mud!

10.15 am bath time!! didnt i just have a bath?

12 pm milk mmmm time for a nap i have had a busy morning. milk machine is mumbling something about having to clean everything up. i guess she doesnt like napping as much as i do

1.pm mmmm milk yummy

1.30 pm time for some porridge and banana

2 pm milk machine says that porridge and banana would be a great hair styling product and that i look like a punk, whats a punk? she says ask your aunty yael

2.15 pm in the bath, i hate having my hair washed! wwwwwwaaaaaaaaaawaaaaaaaaaaaaa i thought this was called "no more tears"

3 pm playing peek a boo and pig face with milk machine is great

5 pm daddy is home! throw me higher daddy, higher daddy

7pm tv time on off on off on off on off on off

9 pm time for a bath?? then off to bed mmm milk is great

can you see the mischief in me now? 

things i do and dont like to eat - by tiana

Things I like to eat:

1. milk(number one on the list)
2. anything mummy and daddy are eating
3. porridge (I am half Scottish after all)
4. soil
5. leaves
6. dead insects mmmm crunchy, now I know what my teeth are for
7. socks, mine are best but mummys are good
8. paper especially tissue paper or important receipts
9. eyes or noses of stuffed animals
10. bananas
11. anything in the supermarket trolley especially paper/plastic bags
12. the guard rail on my stroller
13. the handle on the wooden walker daddy made for me

Things I dont like to eat:

1. soap! found this out two nights ago in the bath ewwww!
2. oranges
3. baby food
4. cheese ewwwwww i can scrape it off my tongue and smear it all over things (so maybe it is not food, is it counted as a toy?)
5. soap! i found out last night in the bath - seemed familiar though mmm

santa me! 

don't let the angelic look fool you, I love crunchy dead insects 

bloody bureau crats

The taiwanese are hellish! especially if they live somewhere else, especially it seems, Edinburgh. I guess cold weather doesnt suit their tempers!

After turning down my Police Report because it came from Scotland instead of the UK, I had to send the british one back to the uk to get it authenticated and notarized, with a copy of everything from my birth certificate and passport, to my shoe size and likes and dislikes!

the BOCA accepted all the paper work and sent it back to Harry who is helping me out on this, and then he sent it on to Edinburgh to the Taipei Rep Office, all sounds fine you think! HA! The power of attorney that was accepted by the british and commonwelath office was turned down by them! Phuckers! they said it has to be notarized by a notary here in taiwan!

So i spent the day up and down the stairs of a very confusing building, paying for i am not sure what, calling friends to get them to come and vouch for me, running up and down the stairs again with them in tow(have i mentioned this is all to get a stamp on a piece of paper that the british government have already said is real and authentic?) finally five hours and 20 quid later, they give me the piece of paper that says Harry is allowed to get this peice of paper stamped for me! Not sell my house, not invest a million pounds, not even vote on my behalf.........just get a authentic piece of paper stamped!

arrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Tiana times

My darling cousin in Italy asked me this week "What do you do all day?" my reply was "You havent had your baby yet!" so here is a day in the life on Tia

9.00am Woke up this morning and noticed that mummy aka milk machine was still sleeping, so i woke her up by sticking my finger up her nose. It seemed to work quite well as she was awake in seconds.

9.10 am After milk machine wiped the blood out of her nose we settle down to some serious breakfast time. I love milk, i love milk sitting up, standing up, squatting and even lying down sometimes

9.30am The milk machine is empty but she might make me some porridge

10 am Milk machine is cleaning the porridge off of me, the tv, the floor, and the walls. I am just learning to throw, I know i will get better at it!

10.30am The barrier across the stairs is a great climbing frame, i can get all the way off the floor like this. woohooo

11.00am The milk machine has changed my diaper and is loading them all into the washing machine, so i get to play in the bedroom by myself, the underwear draw was boring, so after i emptied it all out I started on my drawers. Amazing you can get so many clothes in 6 little drawers!

11.30 am Starting to feel sleepy......better have some milk!

1pm I love napping, i have so much energy when i wake up! weeeeeeeeeeeeee! the milk machine is hanging out the laundry and i get to play on the balcony. I dont understand why i can drink water from a cup but i am not allowed to drink the water in the plant pots??

1.15pm Apparently soil is a no-no too? i thought it was yummy

2.pm Time to go shopping, better have some milk!

2.30pm the supermarket is cool, lots of things to play with and eat, but mum keeps saying no

3.30pm I will not I WILL NOT go in the car seat again, i want to drive! I mean it mum i want to drive!

4.oopm Home mmmm milk time , mum says it is hard to cook dinner with a baby on her boob, but i think it is easy

4.30pm mum is in the kitchen, ilove these cupboards doors. OWWWWWWWWWWWW, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

4.35pm milk is great, it makes me so happy. I thinkif i stand on my tip toes i could reach that second drawer. Woohoo i can, now if i try really hard i could climb onto that and get to the top drawer. ooops mum says knives are a no-no as well. (does she ever watch what i am doing??)

5.30pm dinner is ready and daddy is home, time to play throw me in the air

6.pm milk machine has fed me some more milk and says she has to get away for 10 minutes, she wants to go for a walk without ME!!!!!! what is wrong with her? wwaawhaaa WHAAAAAA

7.pm mm nice nap, some tv time with mummy and daddy. Oh is that how you turn it on, off, on ,off, on ,off ,on cool, off, on off, on, off.........

9pm time for a bath, mummy says she used to get to take showers by herself but cant remember the last time, ewwww soap doesnt taste good

10pm bedtime mmmmm milk

whats new?

The weather has gotten cold again, it has dropped terribly to about 16C and everyone is wrapped up in enough clothes to keep you warm in Scotland or even Canada!