another letter to you

Dear Tiana,

So much has happened these last few months, you are growing so fast, getting taller and even more (I didn't think it possible) talkative. We have had some sad times, some very happy times, lots of silly times and some confusing times.

You discovered this last week that you can reach certain chairs and toilets with your bumbum, so you have been telling and showing everyone you come in contact with that "Look, my bumbum is getting taller". This makes you feel so proud, you are able to climb up onto a lot of toilets all by yourself and then you don't fall off!

Being a big girl is a bitter sweet affair, getting bigger has it's advantages and disadvantages. You can ride your tricycle by yourself, you can pedal that little thing so fast around the running track at the school and so far you have only fallen off once.

We went to the night market in Fengshan the other day and after eating our Mongolian BBQ, you spotted these inflatable slides. The lady at the gate told you, you were too small and you argued saying your bumbum was bigger and you could do it. So seeing how determined you were she said you could try, if I went with you. So off you went, climbing and scrambling to the top of the smaller slide, you turned yourself around backwards and slid down, laughing all the way! Off you went again back to the top, so the lady took our money and let you play.

Of course, then you noticed the wall of death. An inflatable slide three storeys high! So steep it seemed vertical! I was sure you would be scared, I know I was and I was just looking at it. Were you scared? No, of course not. You couldn't get up the first step, so I helped you, and then whoooooosh off you went right to the top. I was watching you with my heart in my mouth, as you got smaller and smaller, and higher and higher, and further away from me. At the top a JieJie(big sister) wrapped you up in a hug and you slid down together, at the bottom you were so mad with her. You started shouting "I wanted to do it by myself" so off you went again, back to the top like a little monkey, turned yourself around, and slid down all the way yourself laughing.

The bitter side of growing up is hard for you. The other night in bed you said "Mummy, there is no milk in the boobie!" and I told you "That's because you are a big girl now" you went to sleep anyway. The next morning when you woke up you asked for a boobie(you haven't asked for a morning boobie in months) "Dont you love me boobie? Don't you want to give me some milk? Oh, mummy i am soooo sad now!" Later that day, you asked me "Mummy, can we go to the shop and buy something?" of course what do you want to buy? "I want to buy milk to pour pour pour into the boobie, then I can have milk in the boobie again!" Oh sweetheart I wanted to cry for you, so instead of buying milk when we got to the shop we bought you a pink camera as a big girl present. So all week you have been telling people you don't have boobie any more because you have a camera. You still want to suckle at bed time, but i am sure that will slowly decrease. So this chapter is finished. I am no longer a breast feeding mother.

Other sad things have happened, a man came and cut down the feral tree in the back garden, that our neighbour hated so much. When you saw it was gone you went outside and cuddled the tree stump and said through your tears "It's ok tree nana is here now, I will make you better." you gave the tree a big kiss and watered it with your tears and have gone back everyday with your watering-can to give the stump some water.

You make us laugh so much with you observations of the world. You stood up in the bath the other day and did a pee pee and said "Mummy look, my pee pee is kinda like a yellow fountain." We went down to the shop and met my friend Morwena, she was wearing a sparkly purple scarf, and you said "Santa gave me a scarf like that, mine is pink. I don't like it though."

You were in the bath singing:

Twinkle twinkle little star

I know I'm so beautiful

Daddy is so beautiful tooo

Mummy is mmmmmmmmm

Twinkle twinkle little star

I know I'm so beautiful

I guess it is time for me to start using that face cream, get a haircut, lose some weight and buy some new clothes! No one wants an old, ugly and fat mummy do they!

You have noticed that you look more like your daddy than you do your mummy. You keep putting your eyes on your daddys' eyes and saying "Look daddy, the same" I think your eyes are the most beautiful in the whole world darling, when they smile they light up a room, when they fill with tears no one can resist scooping you up and comforting you.

Well, my little darling, be sure I love you

Mummy